it had started to rain, but we didnt care
every word that was spoken held onto the air
my sister just got homr from the hospital

my mother yelled at kim and made her cry

my mother yelled at sarah and made her cry

my mother yelled at curb and he yelled back

its weird that i havent cried yet...that i have screamed. that i'm the only one thats has kept myself together.

until just now. when i over heard sarah and curb talking and sarah said 'sometimes i wonder how i didn't kill myself when i lived here'

i was going to say something back. about how its been hard. and how im not crying becasue i'm used to it. i'm used to her yelling in my face and pretending like its nothing. i'm used to everything that i shouldn't be used to. and maybe thats why i'm better. maybe i just ignore it. brush it off my shoulders hold it in and soon one day i'm going to explode and really do.

one day soon.

< 4:57 p.m. on 2003-10-04 >